My safe place is my mind. I can go anywhere at anytime. I’m free to run through the fields of my thoughts without any care of the world. In my mind, you and I are married with three kids. I help the kids with math and you help them with sports. You cook and I clean. In my mind, you and I overcame every obstacle. My love, in my mind you aren’t afraid to show me off. In my mind, we did it. 


As I sit in class, I can’t help but think of how everything always falls in my lap. I can’t even focus on the lesson because I’m just trying to wrap my head around everything. Brit, is that why you were so emotional? Is it Kevin’s? It can’t be X’s, he says he doesn’t cum when he fucks Brit. Could he be lying? All these thoughts and no answers. I’ve said it before, the difficult part of this entire situation is how no one can actually give me advice. You see, in a normal relationship, the pair goes to their own friends with advice but I can’t do that. Who am I going to tell that I’m actually in love with X and that his relationship with Brit is a sham because she’s pregnant by Kevin. You see? I can’t even believe it. “Mr.Martinez?” I hear faintly. “I’m so sorry, yes sir?” I asked. Shit, he was talking to me and I’m here day dreaming. “Try to pay attention, I can see you’re in a hole full of thoughts. Try to focus on this. So like I was saying….” And, it’s back to my thoughts. I don’t understand the point of him addressing that I’m overthinking. How does he not know I’m not amazed at his intelligence? Oh, that’s right. He knows I’m trying to be anywhere else but here. Most teachers or administrators are useless. I’ve told multiple counselors, teachers and administrators about the difficulties I go through and not one of them have gone the extra mile to help me. One day, my step father beat me so bad that he left me a black eye and bruises all over my arm. I went to the counselor to tell her what happened and she told me that I should stop making up stories and just get to class. The staff at this school only cares about those who excel academically. If your GPA isn’t at a certain average, they could care less about you or your problems. It’s funny, your high school career begins the first day of freshman year. Actually, some (myself included), began our high school career in 6th grade. Imagine, a mistake an 11 year old makes could damage their work when they’re 17. The whole system is stupid. The bell rings for lunch and I rush out of class. “In a hurry, Mr.Martinez?” my teacher says. “Actually, yes I am. See you Monday.” I say as i smirk. I walk to the back of the school to sneak out. Securities don’t even notice me. I walk through the back gates without even raising an eyebrow. Sometimes I’m grateful for it but other times, I wouldn’t mind getting in trouble. I have to actually be noticed to get in trouble. My school is located in the middle of a bunch of complex’ so it’s not hard to find something to do. “I’ll meet you at chipotle after school.” I text Ashley. I’m supposed to be sleeping over her house tonight to go to that stupid getty. I don’t even see the point of going, all I’m going to do is stand there. Ashley is way more social and comfortable in those environments. There’s also a small park located behind our school, I walk there to just clear my mind. I put my headphones in and I’m finally at peace. Just me and my thoughts in an endless illusion of happiness. As I walk, I see a familiar car pass by, stop and slowly reverse. Fuck, it’s X’ car. He put his passenger’s seat window down and looks directly at me. Need a ride?” he asked. “No, I don’t need anything from you.” I say as I try to ignore him. I try to walk a little faster so he can just leave me alone. “Really? You don’t need anything from me? I wish that were my case with you. I need you.” There it is again, someone needs me. I pause and my stomach is filled with butterflies. He needs me in a world where no one needs me. Where I’m not seen, he sees me. “I turn to him and ask him “Do you really mean that?” I can feel my eyes getting teary. “Yes Glend, I need you. Please get in the car. I wanna be with you. Only you, I’ll work on the Brit situation just please. My day has been a wreck without you. Please.” I look down, try to wonder and piece together everything he said. I wish I knew better. “I need you too.” I say as I get in the car. He rolls the windows up, grabs me by my hair and gives me a kiss. “Please, don’t ever leave me. I need you.” he says as his lips touch mine. This is happiness, this is God’s twisted way of giving me happiness. I know it. He hasn’t given me much but he gave me you. I feel it. I’m overwhelmed with happiness. X, you are my peace and harmony. “I’ll never leave you, ever.” I say. He finally starts driving while holding my hand. “How’d you leave school?” he asks. “Haha, I have my ways.” I say. “Well, where were you going?” he asked. “I was going to wait at the park to be honest, I just needed some time to think but honestly, this helped clear my mind a lot. Thank you for needing me.” I say. “Uhh, you’re such a weirdo but I love it. Ok, let’s just chill in my car until school is over and then i’ll drop you off.” he says. “That’s fine with me.” I say with the biggest smile. Me and my man, cruising around in his car. Is this what love feels like? Like you’re riding a cloud and nothing can stop you? X, I am my happiest when I’m with you. Please don’t ever leave me. “Are you going to the getty tonight?” I ask him. “Yeah, I am. Are you?” he asks. “Yeah, I am with Ashley. That’s why I have all these clothes in my bookbag. I’m sleeping over her house.” I say. “Oh, that’s cool. Yeah, I’m going with Brit but to be honest I don’t think we’re going to drink. She’s been weird with food lately. We’re just going because Frank is throwing it and I pretty much have to go.” he says. “Yeah, it’s the pregnancy hormones.” I say. “The what!?” he says as he lets go of my hand. Oh no, shit, what did I just do?!

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Just a gay boy expressing his chronicles....

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