Curiosity killed the cat:



“What do you mean she’s here?!” I ask. “What the fuck does it sound like?! She’s outside and she’s knocking on my door.” You were always horrible at situations that actually involved thinking. I keep seeing you pace back and fourth with no idea what to do. I get up and try to calm you down. Suddenly, you stop and run to your jeans. You get your phone and you call her. “Hey babe, I’m not feeling so well right now. I just got into a nasty fight with my dad and I just want to be alone. Ok, ok, I love you too, bye.” I love you too? Really? You walked to the window and see her pulling out. “Ok finally, she’s leaving. Alright where were we?” you say as walk up to me. “I’m going home.” I say. “What why?!” you ask. “Because this is stupid. What are we doing here? You’re telling Brit you love her now? Is this some type of game to you? Do you think that you’re so top tier that you can just play with everyone’s emotions at your expense?” I say as I put on my clothes. “You have no type of respect for anyone but yourself. You think just because you do nice things that doesn’t make you a bad person?” I could feel my heart breaking telling you this but I let my emotions get the best of me. It rarely happens but when it does I can’t stop it. “Brit deserves better and I do too.” I’m fully dressed and looking for my phone. “This is all because you heard me say I love you to her, right? Jealousy looks horrible on you. Well, don’t go walking home, I’ll just take you there since I’m such a piece of shit right?” he says. “It’s fine, like I said, just because you do nice things that doesn’t make you a good person. One day karma is gonna get us back for all this. Whatever this is, it’s done.” I say as I walk out. “I don’t believe in karma” you said as you close the door. Who needs him right? As I walk out of his neighborhood, I already know it’s a long walk but I love walks. I get my phone and my headphones and tune the entire world out. Music and walk are my dynamic duo. Whenever I get really stressed, I walk and listen to music. It’s basically the only thing that relaxes me. Just me and my thoughts. Was I really acting out? Was I overreacting? Can I really blame X completely? I mean I’m part to blame. As I’m passing the local iHop, I hear someone shouting my name. “Glend!” I hear. When I look to the left, it’s Ashley. She pulled over next to me. “Hey loser! Get in! I’ll give you a ride!” Well, at least I get a ride, right? “Thank you so much Ashley, I really appreciate it.” I say as I get in the car. “No worries, what are you doing all the way over here anyways?” she asked. Fuck what do I say? “My friend lives around here but she couldn’t give me a ride home so I just decided to walk.” I say. “Aw, what a shitty friend. You have to be more careful with who you hang around with. I’m always going to give you a ride because I’m such a great friend. Sooo…. did you think about the getty this weekend? You can sleepover if you want and we’ll go together. My mom always asks about you anyways so maybe she’ll finally shut the fuck up about it.” A getty doesn’t sound too bad actually. It’ll probably help distract me from all this bullshit. “Yeah, that actually sounds perfect. If you want, it’s tomorrow right? I’ll just take my clothes to school and sleepover.” I say. “Oh my god, yay! Okay, remind me how to get to your house again because I always forget.” Ashley is an awesome friend. Her personality is so bubbly and outgoing. She’s really smart and she has this charisma that she’ll always be the center of attention. To be honest, I wish I was as outspoken as her. “When you enter the complex, go all the way down and make the first right.” I say. “Okayyyy, we’re here.” she says. “Remember, take your clothes tomorrow. See ya!” She says as she drives off. I walk in to an empty trailer. My mom and her boyfriend probably went off to get their weekend started so at least I have the trailer to myself. I hop in the shower and I just can’t stop thinking about how complex men are. What’s the point of hooking up with men that can’t accept their sexuality? You see, men are bound to curiosity and that’s what leads them to trying to do sexual things with other men. I believe about 60% of men have done something sexually with other men. Where’d I get that number you ask? One year in high school, out of the 11 soccer players on the team, I’ve done something sexual with 6 that same year. It always starts off with “so how does gay sex feel like?” or “It’s just head right?” Many people blame the gay man for “manipulating” men but who blames the straight man for leading the gay man on? As long as men are curious, there will always be a need to fulfill that curiosity. X? You’re not curious though. You don’t fuck me, you make love to me. That’s what separates you from the rest. As I wash my hair, I can’t help but feel guilty for how I made you feel. Is this what it’s like to love? To bend your beliefs and morals when the other tells you to? I’m so unaccustomed to love I didn’t know what I felt for you. I dried myself , got comfortable and decided to watch some Netflix to let the time go by.  Once the sun sets, my stomach starts growling. Aw, shit I forgot to eat. I get up, change, put some shoes on and walk to the nearest Taco Bell to try to get some food. I feel like an idiot for walking after I’ve already showered but I’ll just shower again after I eat. I love walking at night, I’m passing by houses and I see families eating together. It gives me hope that one day I’ll have that. I’ll make it one day, I know I will. I cross a huge street and I’m finally at Taco Bell. As I walk in, I hear “Hey, you’re Glend right?” I look to my left and see a guy approaching me. “Yeah, I am. You’re Luis right?” I asked but I already knew who he was. Luis doesn’t go to my school, he goes to Mater Lakes (a school near mine). We have mutual friends and I follow his girlfriend on social media but him and I have never actually interacted so I don’t know why he’s trying to spark a conversation with me. “Yeah I am, you know my girl right?” You know I know her, idiot. “Yeah I do, we’ve been friends for a while. I’m actually super hungry, i’m just gonna get food and walk home really quickly so I’ll talk to you later” I say as I try to avoid as little conversation as possible. I’m just not really in the mood to interact with anyone right now. “Walk? No bro, I’ll take you. My girl will kill me if she knows I let you walk home. Get your food, let’s go I have my mom’s car.” he says. I don’t even understand what he’s doing by my house because he doesn’t even live around here. Fuck it, the faster I can just get home, the better. I order, pay and walk out with him. When I get in his car, he asks me to put my address in his GPS but I can tell he’s taking the long way. “How have you been?” he asks. Why are you trying to spark a stupid convo? Just take me home already. “I’ve been good, how are you?” I answer. “I’ve been good too bro, just stressed about a bunch of stuff but we’ll get through it right?” he says. What do you mean we? You’ll get through your own stuff. “Yeah let’s hope so. It’s not good to stress, everything in life has a solution, you just have to find it.” I say. Maybe with that he’ll just shut up. “Damn, you’re right…” We’re almost at my house when he turns to me and say’s, “So… do you know any good ways of relieving stress?” as he grabs my thigh. “Yeah I can think of some really good ways of stress relief, wanna try them?” I ask. Oh so this is why you wanted to take me home. “Yeah, I’m curious now..” Like I said, men will always be curious.


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Just a gay boy expressing his chronicles....

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