Now that I have your attention, I’m going to start from the very beginning. To the very first time I saw you. I was a junior in high school when I first met you. The year was 2012. I was walking in the hallways of my high school before winter break. As I walked up the stairs of my school’s central plaza, there you were. Your eyes were as light as the sun. Your smile can light up the darkest of rooms.  You were always dressed nicely and always had a haircut. I had been around you before but never spoke to you. “Hey, you’re do virtual school right?” you asked. “Uh yeah, I do what’s up?” I usually don’t get nervous when speaking to guys but there was something about you.  At the time, I was extremely poor. My mom couldn’t maintain me so I tried to find other ways of making money. I had just turned 17 so I got my first job at Hollister. I have always been eager to work.  “Do you think you could do mine? It’s just Spanish.” you asked. You reached in your pocket and took out a $20 bill and said “Here, buy some lunch and think about it. When you make a decision, text me.” At the time, I didn’t think much of it. I took the money and wasn’t even thinking of doing the virtual to be honest. I worked most of winter break because my store really needed me. The day after Christmas, I got a text from you. “Hey, I’m not one to beg but I really need your help. Please.” No one has ever really needed my help so desperately before so I decided to help you. I did a chapter worth of assignments in one night and told you about it the next day. “bro seriously you’re a life saver thank you!! I’m gonna pass by and drop off some money, is that cool?” My mom and I hadn’t ate that day so the money would really help. “Yeah that’s fine here’s my address….” It took you thirty minutes and then you said “Outside.” I tried to freshen up but there’s not really much a guy could do. I used to live in a trailer park so I was hesitant to even give you my address. I went outside, approached your window and said “hey” very awkwardly. Every time I would take money from someone for doing their virtual I would feel so poor. I always felt bad doing it. “Here bro, thank you for your help, here’s $50.” I was screaming on the inside. “Omg, thank you I super appreciate this, I’m like starving.” I said nervously. “You wanna get something to eat with me? I have nothing to do.” I thought it about it for a few seconds. To this day, I still regret what I said. “Yeah let’s do it, let me just tell my mom.” I go back in my trailer, tell my mom I’m going to eat with a  friend and then I came back out. I got in your car and I was so nervous. I’m usually very outgoing and outspoken but I don’t what it was that made me so nervous around you. There was a chipotle a few streets down from where I lived so I thought it would be quick. We didn’t talk much in the car. We just kept making eye contact.  “You wanna eat inside?” You asked. “Yeah sure.” I said. I thought it would be quick and simple. “Do you smoke?” You asked. “Haha no, I suck at smoking actually.” I really do lol. I can’t smoke till this day. “Woah, I’ve never met someone who sucks at smoking. That’s pretty cute.” We were passing a local taco bell when you said that. I turned to look at you to make sure I heard correctly and then I said “Thank you.” I know I was blushing but I tried my best to hide it. “So what do you do for fun?” I asked as we were entering the chipotle plaza. “I guess normal stuff, movies, video games, I really like music and art. I really like school too it’s just I can’t do the virtual learning that’s why I’m really happy you’re doing my class. What about you?” I didn’t really ask for all that lol but ok. “I like the same I guess, I love school. I want to be really successful one day. I want to be able to take care of me and my mom.” I remember how shocked you looked. “That’s really beautiful. I’ve heard a lot of bad things about you but you seem like a really nice guy.” I’ve figured as much but what can I do about what other’s say about me? We go inside and we wait in line. The entire time we keep making eye contact with each other. It’s this tension I can’t explain but I know you felt it too. We order our food, as we get to the front you tell the cashier “oh his bowl too.” I was shocked. “I can pay for my own bowl I don’t need you to buy me anything.” “Well you don’t get to tell me what I can and can’t do. So let’s eat, what do you want to drink?” You asked. We sat, ate and talked. Turns out we had so many similarities. We had the same taste in music and movies. You even liked Naruto, even though you watch it dubbed. You clean your room the same way I do (you start by making a bigger mess) and you also loved chipotle. You hated that I loved soda but I hated that you loved water. We finished and then before I know it you were dropping me off home. As we got to my house, I could see all my lights were off so everyone was sleeping. “Ok good night and thank you so much. This is actually the most fun I’ve had in a long ti..” And you grabbed me and kissed me. Didn’t even let me finish my sentence. I reacted immediately. It felt like second nature.  The feeling I’ve been searching for my whole life. “Park in my drive way” I said. You parked and we went to the back of your car. That was the first time you and I had sex. It was hot and passionate. You last about 30 minutes and I usually hate car sex. When we were done, I laughed and said “ok well good night…” You looked up and told me “yeah just don’t tell anyone about this please. I’ve never done this before.” I could tell you were lying but I went along with. “Yeah don’t worry about it.. I won’t say anything.” I went inside and thought it would be the end of it. I’ll admit it, I couldn’t stop thinking of you. Every time a “straight” guy has sex with me, I’m use to just brushing it off like it never happened. You didn’t speak to me the rest of winter break. I would log in and check your assignments and they weren’t complete. It bothered me a lot because I felt our personalities really clicked. To be honest, I should have known you were trouble from the get. I remember getting ready for school after winter break. I remember hoping to bump into you. I remember walking to class and seeing you. There you were X, walking the halls. You, with the eyes like the sun and smile that was so bright. I remember who’s hand you were holding as you passed right by me. I remember the eye contact we made as you walked by. Apparently you have a girlfriend now. In fact, I’m actually very good friends with your girlfriend. I could see how happy she was to be with you. To this day, I regret all we did and all the lives we hurt. I should have known you were trouble. I stood there and felt a vibrate in my pocket. It was a message from you. “Can we talk in person later?” it read. “Sure” I said.

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Just a gay boy expressing his chronicles....

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